Apparently ‘Boyz N the Hood’ had a succinct affect on Tim’s subconscious last night. With closed eyes and a matter-of-fact expression on his face, he rolls toward me and proclaims, “Shit’s gonna throw down”.
Moments later, he farts. I laugh. Still sleeping, Tim says, “What are you laughing at? I’m trying to sleep.” I say, “You farted.” Tim responds, “What of it?”
Tim sleep-belches now too. Kind of hard to believe sleep-peeing & sleep-talking preceded that. Before his time, that one.
Tim hasn’t been sleep talking, so now for a random thought from me: If there was a cleaning company called “Smell The Glove”, I would hire them.
<long story short, tim gets a ticket. i call bill the cop to see if he can help, but tim has gone to bed and i need to wake him to find out where said ticket is to give the info>
Me (on phone with Bill): “He just went to bed, let me ask him where he put it.”
Me (to Tim): “Hey Babe, wake up. Bill’s on the phone and I need to know where you put the ticket.”
Tim <sleeping, sounding annoyed>: “It’s right here in my shirt pocket.”
Me: “Tim, you’re not wearing a shirt.”
Tim: <loudly> “It’s in my pocket I told you! Get it from there.”
Me (to Bill): “Hang on Bill.”
Me (to Tim): “TIM. Wake up. Where’s the ticket.”
Tim <awake and calm>: “It’s downstairs in my coat, Kitten.” <smiles, says ‘thank you’>
Bill: “Does he do this all the time?”
Me: “Yes.”
<Tim rolls over, eyes closed but with a very angry demeanor, proclaming…>
“I didn’t open any goddamn windows.”
<Tim leans toward me, eyes closed with an awkward/creepy smirk on his face and says…>
“Who’s gonna pull it…you or me?”
Preface: There’s not a thing on TV. Tim’s already asleep so I throw on the ‘Fantasia Barrino Story’ on Lifetime. Watching for about 30 minutes when…
<Tim shoots upright in bed like a lawn dart, fully extends his right arm, then points straight ahead and exclaims>
“FUCK YOU, AMERICAN IDOL!”
<Tim lowers arm, lays back down and goes back to sleep>
Preface: I wake up to the sound of loud rain and survey the dark bedroom. With adjusted eyes, I see a dark figure in the corner of the room and realize it’s not raining.
Me: “Babe? Babe. BABE. Hellloooo. BABE what are you doing?”
Tim: “Peeing.”
Me: “Where are you peeing, Tim? Tim, where are you peeing? Tim. TIM!”
Tim: “BUCKETS! We got buckets! There’s buckets on the floor!”
Me: “Babe, there’s no buckets in here. TIM, there’s no buckets. TIM, stop. BABE!”
<a few moments elapse>
Tim: “Oh.”
<still peeing all the while, tim turns about face, heads to the bathroom and finishes the job. returns right to bed>
Tim: “Call Tomczak and tell him to get an American Soccer Coach.”
Me: “Why?”
Tim: “Because he’s fit and eligible.”
Me: “Who? Tomczak?”
Tim: “Nooooooooooo…the SOCCER COACH.”
Me: “Oh, should I call him now?”
Tim: “Nah, call him tomorrow.”