Tim Sleep Talks

Timz N the Hood

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 10:05:33 -0500

Apparently ‘Boyz N the Hood’ had a succinct affect on Tim’s subconscious last night. With closed eyes and a matter-of-fact expression on his face, he rolls toward me and proclaims, “Shit’s gonna throw down”.

Moments later, he farts. I laugh. Still sleeping, Tim says, “What are you laughing at? I’m trying to sleep.” I say, “You farted.” Tim responds, “What of it?”

Tim sleep-belches now too. Kind of hard to believe sleep-peeing & sleep-talking preceded that....

Tue, 22 May 2012 01:12:12 -0400

Tim sleep-belches now too. Kind of hard to believe sleep-peeing & sleep-talking preceded that. Before his time, that one.

Tim hasn’t been sleep talking, so now for a random thought from me: If there was a cleaning...

Wed, 16 May 2012 01:00:56 -0400

Tim hasn’t been sleep talking, so now for a random thought from me: If there was a cleaning company called “Smell The Glove”, I would hire them.

911

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:29:58 -0400

Me (on phone with Bill): “He just went to bed, let me ask him where he put it.”

Me (to Tim): “Hey Babe, wake up. Bill’s on the phone and I need to know where you put the ticket.”

Tim <sleeping, sounding annoyed>: “It’s right here in my shirt pocket.”

Me: “Tim, you’re not wearing a shirt.”

Tim: <loudly> “It’s in my pocket I told you! Get it from there.”

Me (to Bill): “Hang on Bill.”

Me (to Tim): “TIM. Wake up. Where’s the ticket.”

Tim <awake and calm>: “It’s downstairs in my coat, Kitten.” <smiles, says ‘thank you’>

Bill: “Does he do this all the time?”

Me: “Yes.”

Summer Breeze

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:15:56 -0400

“I didn’t open any goddamn windows.”

Yikes

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:34:17 -0400

“Who’s gonna pull it…you or me?”

Revelation

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 13:42:00 -0400

Tim: “You blow ass.”

Me: “What???”

Tim: “Live with that, ass-blower.”

Exclamation Point

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 09:59:15 -0400

Preface: There’s not a thing on TV. Tim’s already asleep so I throw on the ‘Fantasia Barrino Story’ on Lifetime. Watching for about 30 minutes when…

“FUCK YOU, AMERICAN IDOL!”

Night Pissings

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 12:54:30 -0400

Preface: I wake up to the sound of loud rain and survey the dark bedroom. With adjusted eyes, I see a dark figure in the corner of the room and realize it’s not raining.

Me: “Babe? Babe. BABE. Hellloooo. BABE what are you doing?”

Tim: “Peeing.”

Me: “Where are you peeing, Tim? Tim, where are you peeing? Tim. TIM!”

Tim: “BUCKETS! We got buckets! There’s buckets on the floor!”

Me: “Babe, there’s no buckets in here. TIM, there’s no buckets. TIM, stop. BABE!”

Tim: “Oh.”

A Classic

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:59:06 -0400

Tim: “Call Tomczak and tell him to get an American Soccer Coach.”

Me: “Why?”

Tim: “Because he’s fit and eligible.”

Me: “Who? Tomczak?”

Tim: “Nooooooooooo…the SOCCER COACH.”

Me: “Oh, should I call him now?”

Tim: “Nah, call him tomorrow.”

Last Night

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 10:51:45 -0400

“What’s that kid’s name? Hmmm….mmmm…ugghhhh, you know….it’s that kid from one of those fishing shows. Eh, nevermind.”